I have many answers, but here's the one that most strikes me this day. I'm puzzled & fascinated by parts of loving. So much of this research & writing is an extension of my own natural curiosity, a personal craving to understand various tantalizing pieces of our emotional landscape.
I've seen so many astounding moments in love. I'm deeply thankful for those stratospheric times I've shared.
In this space between romances, I'm reaching for some balance that feels very important: goading my theoretical understandings to catch up with my years of swimming deleria. I can get totally immersed in explosive new worlds, and it feels totally right for me to reason why.
Oh but of course the edited writing sounds much more practical, simpler than all that. Just here & now, I'm exploring underlying in-the-moment motivation.
Today, I have a bunch of notes (in my own private language, basically) ready to turn into readable prose. When simple understanding feels like my main motivation, that's a particularly hard task -- because I do understand my existing notes! Attack plan: I think I will convince myself that -- focus on ways it is that -- fleshing out my notes into readable prose does deepen my own comprehension.
I want a Livejournal client that has the blue screen UI of Doogie Howser's. Like old Word/Wordperfect for DOS. Yes, that could be the trick! Making every last silly word feel like a deep personal realization...