Andrew (perspectivism) wrote,

Piercing the poly veil...

Amy R, the girl who earlier introduced me to the fantastic book behind ethical_sluts, this week referred me to a very smart Salon story. It's one girl's heartfelt account of her current place in that world. ("Sex without rules", January 23, 2002)

Here's a teaser:

The term "polyamorous," while also indicative of a relationship that permits multiple sexual partners, is fraught with threats both physical and emotional, and for me it's a much more difficult word to negotiate.

But I try. My current relationship is both body-fluid-monogamous and polyamorous, and I lose a lot of sleep over it (and not for any good reasons). I don't always know if I want an open relationship, or if I just want to want one. Ideologically an open relationship is in tune with my belief in personal freedom (which I chalk up to way too much Ayn Rand at a delicate age), but my emotions, often irrational and illogical, have been known to trump my ideological idealism.

My "partner" (more on that term later) and I have been together, in one permutation or another, for more than a year now. I'm a 27-year-old graduate student; he's a 36-year-old, out-of-work computer programmer. We have a true connection intellectually and emotionally; a shared sense of humor, aesthetics and love of words -- and fabulous, adventurous sex.

Sexual freedom is very important to both of us, in different ways. As I said, for me it's more abstract. For him, it's an inalienable right, whose theoretical allowances are far more important than any one girl -- or all of his potential other lovers -- could be. I've heard him cite "Out of Africa," and its credo of personal freedom for lovers, so often that once I finally lost my patience and snapped at him, "You're no Robert Redford."

"I don't care," he answered.

"Haven't you ever seen 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'?" Two can play this classic movies game. "A fear of constraints is sometimes a constraint in itself. Freedom isn't always the most important thing."

Bonus link just for fun:

Power Play:
I've got the heart of a mountain-climber and the mind of an entrepreneur. You're a timeless beauty who thinks the most fun thing that two people can have together is to build things from the ground up. How about it: Want to work and play together? Want to share the spiritual joys of powerwalking, powershopping and powermongering? Let's gaze at the bottom line by day and oil up each other's charisma by night. Please: no dice-rollers, white liars, or compulsive jaywalkers. Must be willing to lose at chess. (crazy personals)
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