Andrew (perspectivism) wrote,
Andrew
perspectivism

book notes

One working project is a course/book on forming valuable romantic relationships.

Here is my Table of Contents, v0.4:




"Sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - nameless cynic

This book isn't about faking anything. It's about making something. It's about getting what you want from someone else, yes, but it's about taking the world's most refreshingly honest paths to get there.

Once you've tasted deep honesty - true intimacy - you will settle for nothing less. This guide shows you how to find true intimacy as much as possible, to stick like velcro at a thousand touchpoints.

You already have thousands of potential touchpoints with everyone you like. This course lets you find those electric connections, line them up, click them into place, and light up whole rooms with the sparks they produce.

nuanced appreciation of what you want

being true to yourself: 21 Things I Want In A Lover: musts, perhapses, curiosities

noticing what you like, being open to surprise pleasures

giving appropriate feedback

attention to her specific cravings

talking vs doing - when actions speak louder than words.

soliciting, encouraging her feedback: highlighting your own humility, your own responsiveness, some vulnerability.

strength, sensitivity, sense of life

starting a conversation, opening a dialogue -- easy, easy, easy -- which is why it's covered late in the course. First impressions matter only as much as you let them. Falling into patterns vs. shifting roles. Breaking states, changing dynamics.

Good friendships are flexible like that - and that's a huge part of what we're talking about. (Gottman Institute research) The relationship is bigger than the roles. You're learning to be her best friend.
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